Don't Judge Me Read online

CHAPTER TEN

  Repentance

  Max breathes a sigh of relief as he walks into the house. He sets his backpack on the floor and sinks into the couch.

  “Max, you home?” his father calls from his room.

  “Yep,” Max replies.

  “Come here for a minute?”

  Max sighs and leaves his comfy spot on the couch to see what his father wants. He enters the room, surprised to see his father dressed and sitting in a chair.

  “Listen, Max, I have some things to tell you,” Mr. Shaw begins. He’s wringing his hands nervously, and Max looks at him in alarm.

  “Did something happen?” Max asks slowly.

  “I’ve been speaking with your probation officer, um, Kent,” Mr. Shaw continues. “He’s told me about a free rehab center in the area where I could get some help.”

  “Well that’s great!” Max breathes a little easier. “When do you check in?”

  “Slow down a minute, Max,” Mr. Shaw puts his hands up. “I have to send in my application and get approval. It’s a six week program, pretty intensive. They are doing research studies, which is why they offer the program at no charge, but I won’t know for a couple more days.”

  “Dad, this is incredible,” Max smiles. “So for the six weeks do you go to the facility during the day or what?”

  “Eh, no, Max,” Mr. Shaw frowns. “I have to stay there the entire six weeks.”

  “Oh,” Max furrows his brow. “So, is someone going to be here while you’re gone?”

  “That’s another thing I have to talk to you about,” Mr. Shaw clears his throat. “I um, I haven’t been managing things too well, and it looks like we won’t be able to stay here anymore.”

  “Here as in?” Max feels his heart rise to his throat.

  “I’m behind on the rent, Max,” Mr. Shaw scowls. “I’ve been thinking about what you said, you know, about finding another way. Maybe a fresh start would be a good thing.”

  “So where are we going to live?” Max asks.

  •••

  As soon as she walks through the door, Jennifer falls into her mother’s arms and cries. Her mother lets her cry until she is ready to talk.

  “Mom it’s awful! Martin doesn’t understand, and Tammie’s backslidden, and Dad is ruining everything! I hate them! I hate all of them!”

  “No you don’t, sweetheart,” her mother says soothingly. “You don’t mean that. You’re just upset.”

  Jennifer shakes her head. After a moment of silence, she wipes her face on her shirt and concedes her mother’s point.

  “Well, maybe I am just upset. But I have a right to be! Dad’s always breaking his promises. He never keeps his word! I thought he was the only one I knew like that, but now Tammie is on that list, too.”

  Jennifer hesitates long enough to consider telling her mother about Tammie. She decides to be vague.

  “Tammie broke a promise she made to me, mom. How can I ever trust her again? Now Martin thinks that I’m an awful, unforgiving person.” Jennifer sniffs.

  “Maybe I am. I just don’t know what to do. I know I’m supposed to love everybody, but how can I do that when I can’t trust them? How can I be sure they won’t break my heart?”

  “How do you know you won’t break theirs?” her mother asks softly.

  “What?” Jennifer looks at her mother.

  “Sweetheart, everyone makes mistakes. That’s part of our human condition. Everyone sins, everyone hurts someone else at some point. The question isn’t if they’ll break your heart. It’s when. You have to allow them a certain amount of grace because that’s going to happen. You can’t prevent it from happening by choosing the people most like you, or even those who seem to be good. You have to show the love of Christ, which means that you love them through their darkest times, their worst mistakes, and their biggest disappointments.”

  “What if they don’t deserve it, Mom?” Jennifer asks.

  Her mother shrugs. “Render no one evil for evil, but repay evil with good. Forgive and you shall be forgiven. Do to others what you would have them do to you. That’s what the scriptures say.”

  “I will never do what she did,” Jennifer says emphatically.

  “Suppose you did? Imagine the treatment you would want from your friends,” her mother suggests.

  “Mom, I can’t imagine ever sinking that low,” Jennifer huffs and crosses her arms. “Never!”

  Ms. Smith sighs and takes her daughter by the hands. “Jennifer, one sin is not greater than another. We both know that. In our human eyes, we see different sins at different levels—some excusable, some inexcusable. But, in the eyes of God, whatever Tammie has done is just as evil as what you’ve done. Regardless of how you see yourself, or try to justify yourself, God sees you both the same.”

  “But we’re not the same!” Jennifer cries.

  “Now you know more than God?” her mother tsks. “Jennifer, listen to me. You have to forgive her. You have to forgive Tammie and you have to forgive your father. Just like you have to forgive me, your brother, your sister, and even Martin for the things we say and do, you have to forgive them. And you have to love them—no matter what. This is what being a Christian is all about. It’s not about making sure that your brothers and sisters dot every biblical ‘i’ and cross every theological ‘t.” That’s the Holy Spirit’s job. Our job is to love one another, no matter what, because we’re still in training. We’re sanctified daily to be conformed to Christ’s image, and we miss the mark every day.”

  “I don’t know if I can, Mom,” Jennifer’s eyes flood. “I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t know if I can do it. I’ve tried to forgive Dad a million times. One day I can forgive him, and the next I can’t.”

  “Just take it one day at a time,” her mother instructs her. “Sometimes forgiving someone has to be a choice you make every day. You’ll need the grace of God to do it. You have to rely on him if you’re going to keep bitterness out of your heart. When your father and I first separated, I had to learn that lesson.” Jennifer gives her mother a puzzled look, and Ms. Smith smiles as she explains.

  “I thought things would be all right between your father and I if he would just try harder. I resented him for not fighting to save our marriage, and I had to ask God to forgive me for holding on to that resentment and letting it change my heart. I asked God for a new heart, and He gave it to me. Now you’ll have to ask him to do the same.”

  “Why do I have to ask for forgiveness? I didn’t do anything!” Jennifer already knows the answer but still the question comes.

  Her mother shakes her head at her. “You’ve been holding on to troubles that belong to God, passing judgment that only God can rightly pass, and the ones God has placed in your life for you to help will hurt because of it if you don’t let it go.”

  “I don’t know what’s happened between you and Tammie, but remember how you two met? It’s no coincidence that you and Tammie became friends. If it hadn’t been for your influence, Tammie might never have heard and received the gospel when she did. How many other friends does she have, Jennifer? You are a light in her life. Don’t be selfish. And your father… ” Ms. Smith places her daughter’s hands in her lap. “Your father needs to know that he has a place with us and with you. He needs to be accepted with love and forgiveness, not met with bitterness and resentment. We haven’t learned Christ that way.”

  Jennifer nods, realizing the truth of her mother’s words. “I don’t even know where to start,” she begins. “I’ve been feeling sorry for myself, because I’m hurting. I don’t want to feel this way, but I don’t know how to change it.”

  “Repent, Jennifer,” her mother looks at her intently. “That’s the only way to get rid of it. You have to confess it and give it to the Lord.” Jennifer nods and puts her head on her mother’s shoulder. Her mother rubs her back and kisses her head. “It’s okay, Jennifer,” she speaks softly.

  “I’m sorry, Mom,” Jennifer cries. “I’ve been so messed up.”
/>   “We all get that way, Jennifer,” her mother reassures her. “But we have to repent, give it to God, and continue to walk in love. That’s the only way we’ll see change.”

  “I don’t know if I can make things right with Tammie,” Jennifer sniffs. “I said some pretty terrible things to her.”

  “Too terrible to hope than an apology will help?” her mother asks.

  Jennifer shakes her head. “I don’t think she’d give me the chance to apologize. I told her I didn’t want to be around her anymore.”

  Ms. Smith taps her chin. “Try calling, and if that doesn’t work, write her a letter, or an email, or however you girls communicate nowadays.”

  “A text message?” Jennifer offers.

  “Sure, whatever,” her mother smiles. She looks at her watch and shakes her head. “I’ve got to get going to work, hon. Keep an eye on your brother and sister while I’m gone.” She looks at Jennifer again for a long time.

  “Everything’s going to be all right, Jennifer. Don’t worry, okay?”

  Jennifer smiles and nods, hugging her mother before she goes out the door.

  As she watches her mother drive away, Jennifer prays. She prays that God will forgive her for holding on to things she should have let go. She prays for a new heart and a right spirit. She prays for the strength to forgive Tammie, her father, Max, and anyone else who might offend her in some way. Most of all she prays that whatever happens next, she will be a light in Tammie’s life, and the lives of others God places in her path.

  ###

  For additional updates on books in the Logoria Series, visit the author’s website at

  https://www.phylicia.us